Our Stories Create Our Outcomes

When a leader is frustrated by the outcome of a conversation or situation, this framework can help them understand what might be driving it. Ask them to think of a recent situation they wish had gone differently. Start with the outcome: “What happened?” Then explore their behaviour: “What did you do or say that contributed to that outcome?” Finally, ask: “What were you telling yourself in that moment?” For example, if someone challenges their idea, they might tell themselves, “They don’t respect me,” respond defensively and end up with a tense conversation. Once they can see the link between their story, behaviour and outcome, ask: “What outcome would you have preferred?” “What could you do differently?” and “What else could you tell yourself that would help you respond that way?” It’s a practical tool for helping leaders recognise their habitual reactions and identify a different response.